As I sit here and type this, I am waiting for my son’s first soccer match to starting in a tournament here in the USA. Now he has played before, although several years ago and for another team when we were back in the UK. He does not really remember this encounter so this time round it seems all fresh to him anyway.
So you see his nerves and anxious tension this morning has prompted me posting this entry. His continued mental wrestling with himself on our drive across to Lansing MI has been agony to spectate. “What happens if I make a mistake playing in defense Dad?” his meek pleas to me.
You can be only who you are, and it is okay to make mistakes, but try telling this to a twelve year old who already thinks and acts as if he is a teenager. His need to fit in and impress his new team mates are so evidently acute that it can be infectious if you let it.
Squirming in his seat as we get closer to our destination only causes for more disruption in his demure that inevitably will get in his way to relax, enjoying and playing his best. What can we do to stop this self sabotage?
Really as a species this is how we are meant to learn in life, from our mistakes. Some great groundbreaking people in history have all said that your successes comes from your failure, so why are we so scared to make mistakes? Surely we should be expecting ourselves to make lots of these on a daily basis so we can move on as an individual with our occasional successes! This to be acceptable and the normality of everyday living. We internally do not feel this is acceptable, however, due to how society has conditioned us. We should not be making mistakes as we get older from childhood to adulthood is the clear message cascade to us. It is drummed into us that mistakes are bad, avoid them at all costs. We need to be responsible and have everything planned out in a sensible way that navigates all the possible mistakes that could lie in the road ahead of us.
Really?
How much pressure are we putting on ourselves and is this the right thing to do?
It surely can’t be healthy can it. How are we to try and make new paths through life if we need to have it all mapped out by people who have stepped before us. This is not new then is it? We need to get serious and give ourselves a break, permission to fail and make mistakes. As long as no one gets injured and it is done in a controlled way then this has got to be healthy. The way forward is not to be scared to wobble and fall, only to learn from that wobble and make you stronger with that knowledge and experience.
However what can we do to minimize our minds from getting in our way and letting us perform at our best so that the mistakes we make are truss mistakes rather than our subconsciousness being naughty with us? Well this will be part of a whole separate blog post coming up in the next day or two.
Here’s to having a healthy wobble and who knows that wobble might enable a break through for you on something.
Relax and enjoy life as it is for living.
Oh! As it happens they lost their first match playing together, but my son played his role to his best and now they have got their first match out the way they can get on with playing.
M